Blog Kimi Jamai

 Hey guys, Assalamualaikum.

Yepp, this blog is still around. How are you doing? Probably juggling 4-5 things at once right now right? Same here. Before you proceed, do play this song in the background. 

Assalamualaikum,

Welcome back! to me, and also to you if you were ever here before. Its been long since I last posted here, I think I only posted here once last year. I might as well just make it an annual event. Fyi, I  only write here when there is this one extraordinarily unusual feeling comes by. I didnt really know how to describe it, its just a weird feeling that used to come often, but now, I guess only once a year. Anyway, its my birthday yesterday! 31/1/2020. The last day of what seemed to feel like a freakishly longgg month. I am already tired just thinking of last January. I'm positive about the February and all the months to come tho. 

You know what, I know I just turned 27 and its really not that old, but God, I feel like I'm really old.  I don't know why I feel old, I'm not sick or anything (I should hope so), but I just feel urm I guess , tired. Its quite confusing and I haven't managed to really dissect the problem and understand what is going on, so lets do it together. And if you are also at the same 'place' as I am, let me know. 

Please.

I think a major part of this 'ailment' is because I am no longer enjoying work and to be honest, sort of resenting myself for still sticking through and not move on to find something that fit my interest and passion or at least just move on for a change of air. Don't get me wrong, everything at work is fine. My boss is nice, my colleagues are helpful and everything else outside my tiny little head is really fine. Its just me. I think I cannot go on with the same routine anymore, plus the routine is not quite the things that I enjoy doing. I dont want to settle for routine I guess. I want to get excited for new things everyday, I want to learn. But those don't happen often anymore. That and a lot more things that I don't know how descriptively elaborate.

" I have to go to work, its my responsibility, my periuk nasi"

" I will find a new job but I dont want to move anywhere"

" Everything else is okay, just change my mindset and forget about passion and 'interest''

" This is only a phase, I will get through it and I will settle"

" Now is enough,  Enough is good, stop pursuing the Unsure, Unsure is No Good"

Those are some of the thoughts that I'm battling with and possibly also what gets me tired, hence feeling old. We human are complicated creatures aren't we? When it seems like a lot of things going on externally, around ourselves, there's actually a lot more going on inside of mind. This constant battles is probably the culprit here in my case I think. 

Another thing that I want to be honest with you about is, I am scared. I don't know where my life is going and that scares the crap out of me because I feel like I should already what I want to be in the next at least 5 years. Heck, I don't even know about next month. I am applying for  scholarships again this year. Results are coming in February, March and April. That also what I am scared about. If you go through this blog and read about my previous scholarship experience, you may be able to understand the weight of this.

I think I should stop here. Dont want this post to be riddled with negativity.I dont want to ruin your day. Oh yaa, please don't take whatever  that I write above as an indication that I am not happy. I am happy, and thankful to Allah for everything that He is blessing me with, a beautiful , kind and thoughtful wife, my beloved parents and family and in-laws , friends and for every single breath that I am taking now. I couldn't ask for more from Him.

I know how weak I may look now, its ok. I am weak. But at least I am trying to understand my complicated self and hopefully to come out stronger. Hey, everyone has something that we are battling with. Right? Every battle is difficult and dangerous. So we gotta be strong, be strong by being true to ourselves and be brave to open up and talk about it. Sorry this post took a very weird turn.Lets end it here. We'll talk again soon. Probably next year. Haha. Take care.

Assalamualaikum,

Been so very long since I last wrote here. If you're a friend, you'd know I am now developing a new blog called Chasing The Sun, its an ambition I share with my wife. I'll explain later. This entry is not about that tho. This entry is just an update about and also to let you know that this blog is still alive and I am still going to write here. Its just going to take a long time for each entry to come up. Any way, life has been Alhamdulillah great. I am no longer too stressed about work,  my family is doing well, and mom & dad are happy as always, and I am now married to the love of my life, Farhana. Everything feels like too good to be true, but I take it all as a gift from the Almighty. 

Its been more than 2 months we're married and I look forward to wake up everyday to see this cute girl that used to be my best friends since we were in Form 2. *I didnt really know what to write about actually, I was thinking just to write some random stuff but now I feel like I wanna write about my wife. She probably wont see this, cause nobody will. But whoever reading this, you guys are probably from twitter right? I'll put it just on twitter because Farhana is not really on Twitter. So you guys also don't tell her ok!* I'll just write lah whatever ok? Just a start for me to get back on this blogging track. Ok carry on now.

So yeah, our schoolmates, a lot of them knew that me and Farhana were really close friends but I think none really knew what was really going on between us two. During highschool we were just best friend, she rejected me couple of times like full on Friendzoned/Brozoned, after SPM finally she wanted to give it a try and then throughout the relationship we broke up a few times but always get back together because we realized we didnt really have best friend like each other and we're sort of messed up without each other, and then we went through all sort of things together. And now we are finally married. I couldnt possibly wish for anyone else to be my life partner, she is the best. if you are reading this Farhana, you are definitely the best.

2 months into marriage life, I feel like we are doing good so far. Both of us are working, so we totally understand if after get back from work, we just want to just lie down and rest and let the house be messy. We'll kemas the house on the weekend. We cook, most of the time we'll cook, I have always liked cooking, even before married, I cooked like quite frequently. So we'll each prepare a dish usually for dinner. If she's cooking the protein, I'll cook the sayur and vice versa. By far, her best dish is Ayam Goreng Masak Cili Berladoo, followed by Siakap Steamed and third place is Sambal Udang. She is a talented cook I must say. If you see me gaining weight, that is why.

I am also amazed by how easy she gets along with my Mom. And I love it when she said that she fell in love with Mom and she understands why I'm such an Anak Mak. Its just such a great feeling knowing that both of the loves of my life are becoming good friends! I'll try my best to do the same to your family ok, I love them too! They are my family now, and I'll try my best to make them happy as well.

I'm starting to feel a little sleepy now, its 11.41pm. Idea pun dah takmau mai, so I think as a 1st entry back into this personal blogging arena, sampai sini cukup kot. hee. Atually im back writing here because Farhana was so excited when she saw me post the previous entry about our collaboration with Bertam Properties. She ask why did I quit writing here, I didnt give any answer, * well its really because I'm  just a lazy lazy lazy fellow. But seeing how she is excited for me to write here again, made me think, why not. Guys, im sorry if this post is a little cheesy and borderline annoying, but thats what I do here, so bare with me. I'll post more cheezy stuff in the future, be ready.

Assalamualaikum,